The Making of a King
The Making of a King
Backstory
I am King Nuts Black Snot and this is my story.
From when I was first born into the world the gods liked me. The tribe elders telled me so. On the day I was borned a full litter of Fleabags survived birth, and that never happens, usually Fleabag mum eats a couple. So from that day they said I was going to be King.
There were other signs and Omens. One day when I was a babbit the cave felled in, killing a lot of goblins in my tribe, but a fleabag smelled me out and pulled me free. Once when I was supposed to go hunting with the Fleabag Sniffs my fleabag got over happy and jumped me into a rock, so I missed the raiding hunting trip, with a hurt head, but the remaining sniffs riders were killed by Orcs, very lucky for me. My best one though, is in my bed cave, which is usually dry, a crack happened and water poured in, making a stream, so I could drink and piss in my cave like a King.
The elders were not alone to notice the gods love me. A hooded man said he was from a tribe called The Collective, and now I had a whole other clan love me. They also noticed the Omens, and said I was in their clan, and swore me to tell no other persons. They made the Agenda to make me King. And then the next moon the King died, and whisperings were telling all the wannabe new kings that the gods would curse them if they tried to be King. So when I said I wanted to be the King none of the other Goblins argued.
Being King is bit rubbish, I have to do what Gods say in their omens, if not The Collective tribe will make me not King again. It’s not fun now I’m not the Agenda, the Agenda is now up in Halpi’s mountains. Other members of The Collective tribe will be going there too, so it must be really important.
They even told me their was another Goblin king heading their, and I should meet him with my whole army tribe, near a Drunken Pony. If he dies maybe I can be King of his Tribe too… Time to go check on the Gadjits, see how my new King Chariot looks.
The Battle of The Drunken Pony
Introduction
The Gadjits did the best job ever on my new chariot, makes me look like a proper king. I led my army to where the collective told us to go. The weather is really weird here, it makes the hair on my armses stand up tall. It’s got my wizard Thunder Blue Nose, really jumpy and excited. Makes me nervous, he might go bang.
The other King didn’t even have a chariot!! He’s not a king of Goblins though, he’s a Goblin who is a king of Trolls and Giants. He has a magic necklace that makes them do what he wants. When he dies I’m stealing his necklace.
The angry Dwarf didn’t let us into the tavern, he said we’d scare away his customers. I think the weather is doing that though. We just saw a bird can zapped by lightning, I think that’s a good omen.
We set up camp by a lake, and were waiting for more instructions. I told other king to keep his Giant and trolls away because they were making the army nervous, and they stank bad. So he was waiting by the old watch tower.
My scouts reported an army of humans with wings and extra long sharpsticks have made camp on the other side of the Tavern. They showed a flag with a symbol I don’t recognise, it looks like an angry Pig Lion. I think they was wanting in the Tavern, but if Angry Dwarf thinked we would scare of customers, we’ll scare off customers!
I wished our Pup Launchers hadn’t have taken so long to get up the mountains they would have really helped. I sent a Winggit out to make sure it can find us in the storm.
The Battle
Sitting a top of my hill in my chariot I watched my hordes of Goblins trundle foreword, clearly confident by having such a good king lead them. My Blaster chariot which had been left to rest up against the tavern doors (I wasn’t going to blow it up honest), keeps getting struck by the energy from the swirling magic storm. I’m glad I’m up on my hill.
And they fell for my trap, they charged us, and killed us, but not without my Blaster detonating at full magic power bangness (8 attacks with D6 blast, yikes). The walls of the Tavern collapsed from the blast! Yes, stupid Angry Dwarf! My hordes of Goblins surrounding them, throwing themselves against their armour and sharpesticks over and over again! They would not survive this green storm. They did.
But this was my chance to show my better tactics as the king I led the charge on their flank, but they got lucky, and my chariot crashed into some barrels that the Angry Dwarf had left outside and one of my wheels fell off, so it wasn’t my fault that the charge failed and we lost the battle.
The other King seemed to have more luck, his trolls holding off a winged beast and a hole load of knights, before eventually meeting their end. The other king was surprisingly handy in a fight, he even charged off the hill and killed the rest of the knights, before coming in to helping in the middle. Luckily all my Goblins were too busy dying to witness his heroics.
The battle ended with most of my army heroically slain, their corpses hanging off of the enemies long sharpsticks. The Giant in a frenzy swinging his club, beating the enemy back. I need a new chariot, and all my fleabag are dead. I hope the launchers turn up soon, I’m going to need them if there’s another fight.
The magic lightning storm, crashes into the collapsing Tavern, yes a sign from the Gods, they approve, this slight defeat is all part of The Agenda it seems.